Sister! There will come a time when you start to hate China, the Chinese and yourself for the idea to come to this country. You’ll wake up furious, your man will piss you off without even knowing the how or the why, which will piss you off even more. The day will be doomed before it really begins and only three things will be able to save it: haribo gummy bears, a white kitkat bar and Portuguese sweet fortified wine. Non-Portuguese, non-sweet and non-fortified can also do the job.
There are two ways to handle the situation: you can go shopping by yourself or send your man to do it. The latter one is a better option, because then you will have someone to blame for failing. Usually shopping abroad is not as satisfactory as in your little shop just down the corner, where the shop keeper knows you by your first name and first choice of gummy bears, but it is still reasonably pleasing.
So… let’s live through the PMS in China.
Supermarket, candy lane. I’m scanning the shelves looking for chocolate. First shop – no sign thereof. Second one – still nothing. I’m starting to suspect, but refuse to believe it. Sadly, the sooner it gets to us, the less acute the disappointment in the nearest hours. This country has no chocolate. Rice cookies with sweet bean filling and milky deserts with peas and corn gaze at me from the shelves.
Bakery, French by the name. Hoping for a chocolate croissant (silly me!) I enter and I smell. I receive a warm welcome from a donut with peas filling and an éclair with something that wasn’t considered meat either by my vegetarian intuition or my taste buds, but I spit and I cursed Gordon Ramsey style. Meat floss (cotton candy made of heavily sugared pork) is by far the worst thing invented by the Chinese confectionary minds.
Local liquor store. I ask for white wine. The lady lets me choose between three barrels: rice moonshine 60%, rice moonshine 48% and rice moonshine with an addition of something sweeter and fruitier 25%. Let’s have a bit of the latter one then… The lady packed the wine into a plastic bag. No bottle included. Not exactly what I had in mind hoping for the fortified wine…
I went extreme and started looking for dried fruit. Who tries to shut the chocolate withdrawal up with dried fruit? A desperate person, that’s who. The peach and the plum were salted.
That’s that. I’ll just have to sleep through this PMS…